So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
Randomize
