Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
Randomize
