saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
Randomize
