physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Randomize
