Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
Randomize
