I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
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