Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
Randomize
