Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
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