Greg found me on xtube. Who knew random hook ups would leave their web cams on and upload it. At least it shows off big penis.
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
Randomize
