Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize
