I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
Randomize