i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize