while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
Randomize