I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
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