Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
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