The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
