Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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