Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
Randomize
