She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
Randomize
