We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
Randomize
