I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
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