apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize