I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Randomize
