My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
