could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
Randomize
