I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize