70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
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