the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
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