There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Randomize
