I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
Randomize
