if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
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