I puked a lego.
A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
Randomize
