I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
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