Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
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