thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
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