I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
Damn victory sex feels great
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
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