Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
Randomize
