hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
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