the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
Randomize
