The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
Randomize
