I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
Randomize
