I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
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