The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
Randomize
