we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
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