If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
