Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
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