I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
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