Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
