1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
Randomize
