what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
Randomize
