I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
Randomize
