What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
Randomize
