it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize
