Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
Who did Billy Mays play for?
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
Randomize
