if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
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