Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
Randomize
