I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
Randomize
