1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Randomize
