you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
They took my balls.
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
