I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Randomize
