My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
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