imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
I just googled if crying burns calories
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
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