I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
Randomize
