I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
is wine microwaveable?
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
Randomize
