drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
3pm strippers are depressing
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
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