this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
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