I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
Randomize
