I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
Randomize
