dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
Randomize
