He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
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