last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
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