a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
the room spins SO much faster in panama
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
Randomize